My ‘bad days’ don’t define me

This time last week I never envisaged that the awful dark cloud I had, not just over me but consuming me, would actually end up so positive. 

I wrote and shared my post to show that we all need to be more mindful of others and what they might be experiencing – you can’t necessarily tell what someone else is going through just by looking at them. I wanted to show that even those of us who, as someone said about me, “always seem to be holding it together” can actually, at times, be silently falling apart. 

I wanted those who could relate to see that they’re not alone and I also wanted to give hope – to anyone who identified with it and even as a reminder to myself. 

Since sharing my post on social media and at work I’ve had some incredibly lovely things said to me and via my husband Pete, I’ve had hugs from colleagues and received emails like the one below. I’ve also had friends and colleagues comment and send me messages to tell me how much they can relate with what I said but many of them saying they ‘are not as brave’ as me to speak out. 

Yet, by recognising that something is not right in how you feel, realising you can relate to all or some of what I described and then speaking out and telling me or your partner, relative or friend that ‘that’s me’ actually was and is incredibly brave and you should feel really proud of yourself too. 

Talking about and telling someone how you feel is a massive step and what I believe, on this occasion especially, helped to save me from the negativity my mind can bring.

 As I said in my original post, I realised I was going to have a bad day coming the day before and for the first time I said to Pete, ‘it’s coming’. When I was really struggling on Monday, I told him. I allowed him to hold me, I didn’t push him away, I tried to talk to him and I allowed myself to be cared for and I honestly think that’s what stopped the bad day from going into the next day and the next day. 

For a very brief moment after I posted it, I questioned going so public with it – would people’s opinion of me change? Would they think I was unable to cope? What if I ever went for a job and they googled me and they read it… 

It was a very brief moment because I soon told myself if people’s opinions were to change based on my honesty then they’re the ones with the problem, not me. I’m not ashamed to talk about my mental health. I want to share my experiences to help others. My ‘bad days’ don’t define me. I cope incredibly well most of the time and I believe what I’ve experienced and continue to go through makes me a kinder and more compassionate person. 

And if someone googled me and my blog post came up? I would stand by it proudly and say ‘yup, that’s me’. 

πŸ’œ #BeKind #Strive2Thrive

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